|i have tried
||[Dec. 26th, 2010|06:49 am]
so i am turning twenty five next week. in the past year i feel like i have tried to go from being a child to being an adult. i thought i was doing ok. i might have been. right now i feel seventeen again. i have tried to create a social life in a new place(not the internet?) from scratch. i have tried to concentrate on being responsible and work full time doing things i dont necessarily enjoy doing in hopes that i will create some sort of comfortable life for myself and those in arms reach who are/were in this with me. did this turn into a complete alienation of past selves and past friends and past everything? i dont know. i do know that everything i have tried to do in the past year has basically turned to dust and is slowly being redispersed into something unrecognizable.. something i never wanted. maybe it has just solidified my roots for my past self. have i just fallen back into what i was at twenty years old? has this growing process done more damage than good? have i been delusional? am i just as naive as ever? is it wrong to to put all of your love in other people and the flow and rhythm of nature without finding a passion within the profitable aspects of our society that seem to fuel most people i meet? is there a great difference in being intimate with the world and indulging in a one on one type connection? are there half a dozen in one and six in the other?